My Mother's Life

Everything about my mother's life is what I suspect a little fudged. Uncovering her past is probably forever gone. Having all her items destroyed before I could go through them cemented that.

This picture is one of many that gives me a glimpse of what life was like for my mom way before I was adopted. She loved goats and the house there was hers and her husband's in Algeria, Africa.

“My mother was deeply effected by racism outside and inside the home.”

My mom adopted me when she was in her 50's at a time when her marriage was crumbing. They were living in Spain during that time. She said she stayed with him longer than she should to adopt me. He was hitting his head against a wall and that freighted her. At the time when I was told this I was a child and it didn't mean much to me. But now I know my mother's bigger than grander ideas that always fell flat probably drove my adoptive father into an unstable mental state. This was solidified after talking to his family about it. And taking in my own experiences with my mother.

Some of my mother's stories

My mother told me so many stories as well. Her loves before her husband always fascinated me. She had a French fiancé who was a twin and died somehow. I think a car crash. I do remember her mother, my grandmother didn't trust him according to my mother's stories. She said supposedly "He is too good looking to trust." My mother also was in love with a doctor from Virginia maybe West Virginia. She mentioned how he was poor and was embarrassed one time when he propped up his shoes on a table around friends and forgot his shoes where worn out. Not sure if this was before becoming a doctor or as a practicing doctor.

My mother was deeply effected by racism outside and inside the home. She told stories of how people that passed as white, if they were found out, where beaten to near death. She told me also about hurtful comments made about her hair. I have a theory that traumatic events provoke/triggered her schizophrenia. It is something I have thought thoroughly, along with some classes I took with NAMI. Bipolar and Schizophrenia come usually when you are a young adult and mental breaks happen at your most vulnerable state. If you haven't noticed several celebrities have come out as bipolar (https://bzfd.it/3yFNrBU and https://nbcnews.to/38nR6d4 ).The traumatic experience of becoming famous can be overwhelming and isolating. But the manic episodes help them become better at their craft. But when it comes to my mother I think her life was constantly in a state she wasn't truly happy for one reason or another and she started creating a fantasy to help her cope. #mom #mother #mommy #passingwhite #lightskined #blackhair #blacklivesmatter #schizophrenia