My oldest is being screwed over terribly by life. He is poor with a disability. I feel so guilty as his mom not being able to help him more. This blog post is for all the young adults trying to go to college and work and have a disability. All the odds are against them and there is nothing for them. America continues to not do enough for young adults and they can't keep wondering why crime is so high. This post is my appeal to make college free.
This semester has been the most eye opening when it comes to the price of failure. My oldest and youngest have been struggling with their community college classes one way or the other. My oldest has ADHD and my yougest has high functioning autism.
I'll start with the first semester with my youngest. The first semster only consisted of three classes, Physics, Calculus I and Discovery Technology. It was a disaster. My youngest was very depressed and so was I. We ended up withdrawing from two of the classes and the calculus profesor gave a incomplete. The second semester was so much better. My youngest got much better supports and because I got more involved sooner in the process of understanding the assignments for my youngest. The grades were all Bs. But because of all the withdraws from the first semester my youngest got into financial aid suspension and I had to do a whole appeal process. There can't be any withdraws this third semester. For my youngest we applied to get disabilities services at the school. I waited until recently to apply to Department on Disability Services (DDS) & Rehabilitation Services Administration (RSA) all in the same department. On the first year I applied to the DC Futures program as well.
These programs love to promise that they will help pay for school. But I tell you it is all lies. That is what has been happening to my oldest. He can't take a lot of classes because he is a working adult. He is the only one working in our household and helping paying the rent. I couldn't apply to DDS & RSA because my oldest wouldn't qualify because he isn't a full time student. My oldest failed one of his English classes and got onto Academic Restriction. Which I guess made sense since my oldest clearly needed to not take more classes he couldn't handle. He only recently started getting back on his meds and seeing a psychiatrist and applying for disability assistance at his college. He refuses to hear me out on my suggestions to help make him more focused.
So my biggest takes besides the stupid classes (I'll clarify what I mean in another post) my youngest has to takes that aren't relevant for her major. She also ended up changing her major from computer science to mechanical engineer. We also had to deal with her feeling suicidal early on this semester. We have gone through a lot as a family and I contantly have to wonder is it all worth it. The constant headaches and dificulties I face with both of them. My youngest constantly thinks it would be so much easier if she didn't exsist. And my heart breaks and I continue to tell her the world needs to change for her. She shouldn't have to be expected to change for the world.
The reality is because I ran away from home. I have been on survival mode my entire life and my kids have grown up with me while I continue to survive in this harsh and lonely single parent life. If you wonder why Christmas is hard for me. Well I have come up with so many creative ways to avoid it because I couldn't afford it. Sending my kid's to be with their father on the holidays, birthdays and summer months. But he discipline was overboard for young kids, so that had to end. And then luckily the catholic school my oldest started going to would help with Christmas gifts. I remember one Christmas at our only place before we moved the next year. I told them santa probably thought you were at your dad's house and that is why they didn't get gifts. This is what it is like being a mom that is so poor she can't provide happiness to her kids. I really need folks to understand life is that bad. This isn't what life should be about. Living to pay for bills, isn't much of a life to live. My youngest asks me all the time what do I do for fun? All I can say is making art, protesting and watching movies. But she doesn't think those are actual fun things to do. I see her point and I honestly don't know what more else to say beyond those three things.
So I know what most all of you think. Just get a job so the oldest can be a student full time. Easier said than done. It isn't like I haven't tried applying to jobs. But there is another issue. My youngest really needs me. If you have a "special needs" high schooler, those moms will know. That special teacher aid or assistant or whoever they are that person that knew how to get your kid to do their work and talked to the teachers to find out the assignments that person isn't there anymore in college. I became that person. That is how my youngest went from withdrawing from most of her classes to getting all Bs. Because I stepped in and asked questions and set up meetings with the professor and got on my youngest to get her work done since I knew what needed to get done. I stepped in far to late and got threatened to be banned from both the locations of the schools because I really found myself having to be more proactive to get my youngest to succeed in college. I am hoping she will like her classes more and will get more proactive in participating in her classes. She is also learning how to drive. So I am litterally having to go everywhere with her. If you don't know, an invisable disability is hard to explain to professors than a physical disability. And even my oldest thinks sometimes I am just babying my youngest to much. So I just come off as just overbearing and maybe borderline over protective for a college student just attending classes and just come off extremely shy.
Just attending classes has had its own hurddles. From figuring out food if we are going to be gone all day. And she is extremly hard to feed. I am constantly making more than several different meals and she throws up a lot. She has a werid reflex that I have been told is normal. So I have to provide food that will taste good twice coming in and out, if you get my drift. She also have a myserious stomach issue, like mind but exact opposite as well. She is seeing a specialtist for it but it isn't a quick fix at all. And then recently she has been diagnosed with POLYVAGAL. Before getting this diagnoses sometimes I was met with so much resistance to go to school and been accused of trying to kill her for mentioning to leave home and get into the car. For a brief moment I was thinking she might have what my mother had paranoia. Maybe even the schizophenia as well. Since my mother also at one time accused me of also trying to kill her when I am only trying to help. It is so extremly emotionally draining to help someone that thinks so ill will about you. Like every effort you are doing is harm and all my attempts are frutial.
So just getting a job won't just fix everything. Sometimes I can't even fathum holding down a job because it is such a full time job making sure my adult kids are alright. So from my perspective I am not surprised with the crime rates as bad as they are. I been through eviction court. It is so bad that lawyers can't reprecent the renters being evicted becaue there are so many cases. Parents can't be parents if they can't get basic needs met and as a society we just love to say try harder. My youngest has expressed how much she hates that expression when I said it to her about her school work. It makes no sense she said. She was trying to begin with, harder makes no difference. She has taught me so much and she shapes my advocacy work because of it. Below is a news segment I did ealier this year. Click on the image and it will take you to the video of it on the news station's website.
Here is the same video on my youtube channel with a little editing I did to emphasize a point!
When I went to college and didn't have to pay for any of it. True I didn't fail any of my classes. I did withdraw from one or two. But there were so many grants out there for moms and I was living in housing paid for by the DC Housing Authority so I didn't have to worry about rent. But here we are now. I moved since then because of the break-ins and shootings I experienced there and we are on our own just surviving, just barely. These programs aren't doing enough for my kids. The DC Futures program is for STEM only majors. My youngest even has a bill from school and to be honest I am tempted to do fraud since these programs again don't want to pay for the college bills we have aquired.
I also have another financial strain three fucking cars. The registration, tags, inspections, gas and car insurance alone is too much. The car battery and tires and oil changes and tickets I have gotten. And again I am still not working. I am also the president of the tenant association and only became all 12 buildings were up for sale. Yes 12 buildings with over 100 households. As first I thought it was a maricle this had happened to us. We could possibly go cooperative and own our buildings. This has taken over a year and we have been met with so much disappointment. Because of interest rates I was told and recently because there was no money in the housing trust fund or first purchase act, we as tenants couldn't explore buying for ourselves. So I am now torn to take the buy out and live in a unsafe neighborhood again or stay with probably a shady new landlord. And yes rent control that keeps my rent low but continues to grow and make it unafforable for us to live. And when I ask for canceling the rent or freezing the rent, that is absurd to folks.
So this is what it is like being a mom of young adults still figuring out life and school and here I am stuck consistantly between a rock and a hard place. Crime always is tempting esspecially when you have no choice. You know that other saying. The shit is hitting the fan. We are in that stage. So stop pretending things aren't so bad. Stop thinking I am so glad it isn't me and start demanding more be done to help poor families. Volunteering at a charity is just going to make you happy. Support to freeze the rent or canceling it. Telling your elected officials to make college free for folks in community college and support banning grocery stores from throwing away food would be a start to making things a little better for poor folks like our family.
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